Paruresis (Shy Bladder)

Article by Paul Douglass

In this article, we'll look at paruresis (shy bladder), and see what it is, and what you can do about it.

We'll cover...

• What is Paruresis?
• How Many People are Affected by Paruresis?
• What is Paruresis Also Known As?
• How Severe Can Paruresis Be?
• Does Paruresis Matter?
• What Causes Paruresis?
• When Can Paruresis Start?
• What Do People with Paruresis Do to Get Around It?
• Can Paruresis be a Symptom of Something Else?
• Can Hypnotherapy Help with Paruresis?
• Will I Feel Comfortable Asking for Help with Paruresis?
• What to Do Now

What is Paruresis?

Paruresis is a condition where the person cannot urinate in front of other people, or where they think there may be other people present.

Paruresis may manifest itself by the person not being able to start to urinate when they feel there are other people there, or the urination may involuntarily stop if someone else should enter the room.

Paruresis is an involuntary clenching of the muscles that cause the urine stream to stop.

It is quite common for anyone to experience this at some point in their life, but where paruresis is concerned, the person will find that it happens regularly enough to be a real hindrance in day-to-day life.

How Many People are Affected by Paruresis?

Paruresis can affect both men and women, although because paruresis often occurs in public toilets, paruresis can often seem to affect men more because of the presence of urinals in male public toilets.

A man with paruresis can sometimes feel embarrassed queuing for a cubicle in a public toilet when there a urinals available.

Paruresis can also cause embarrassment to a man who starts to urinate into a urinal in an empty public toilet, only for the ‘flow’ to seemingly ‘cut itself off’ when someone else comes into the room!

What is Paruresis Also Known As?

Paruresis is also known as...

• Shy Bladder (or shy bladder syndrome)
• Urophobia
• Shy Kidneys
• Fear of Toilets
• Bashful Bladder
• Pee Shyness
• Toilet Phobia
• Shy Cock
• Restroom Phobia
• Avoidant Paruresis
• Fear of the Restroom
• Psychological Urinary Retention

How Severe Can Paruresis Be?

In less severe cases, paruresis may only affect the suffer in very occasional situations (for example a man using a urinal in an empty public toilet when 5 other men all come in at once and stand either side of him).

In more severe cases, the paruresis sufferer will only be able to urinate at home (for example), and will have to spend a large part of their day (and their life), planning around their paruresis.  They may be unable to work because of it, or they may go to a school or workplace that is close enough to home that they can go home to urinate.

Various levels of paruresis can exist anywhere between the two extremes, and can vary from one situation to the next.

Does Paruresis Matter?

Paruresis matters if the person suffering from paruresis feels that it is having a detrimental affect on their lives.

For example, someone may find it difficult to find a school or workplace that is close enough to home (or has private enough toilet facilities for them to be able to ‘go’ there) for them to be able to spend their day there.

As well as the more obvious physical issues surrounding paruresis, the paruresis sufferer can also find that they find it difficult to start relationships with other people, because at some point the other person is ‘bound to find out’ about the paruresis.

What Causes Paruresis?

Paruresis, where it has a psychological component, can be caused by many things, which typically might include:

• Fear of being judged (which is also known as social anxiety or social phobia)
• Unresolved psychological conflicts
• Performance Anxiety - that is to say something like “Will I be able to do it if I go into that toilet?”
• Anticipation of Paruresis happening
• Underlying anxiety or stress
• Worrying about past experiences of paruresis
• Having grown up in an environment where toilets and/or urination were seen as ‘dirty’, or where ‘toilet issues’ (or even sexuality) were actively suppressed or used to induce guilt

When Can Paruresis Start?

Paruresis can start at any time of life, and can last for any length of time, with some people having a one-off incident (for example, not being able to produce a urine sample ‘on-demand’ for a doctor), to some others suffering regularly from paruresis for the rest of their lives.   

Often, people will find that their paruresis comes and goes throughout their life, depending on the general levels of anxiety or stress in their lives, for example.
For many people who regularly suffer paruresis, the paruresis started in their teenage years.

What Do People with Paruresis Do to Get Around It?

People with paruresis will often have a range of ‘coping mechanisms’ that they can draw upon to avoid the onset of paruresis at any given moment.

These paruresis ‘coping mechanisms’ can include:

• Avoiding going to the toilet when they know other people are about to go
• Having a ‘favorite’ cubicle
• Searching their school or workplace to find the least busy toilets
• Drinking less during the day
• Urinating while someone is using the hand drier or running a tap (in order to mask the sound)
• Flushing the toilet, and quickly urinating while the flush covers the sound
• Timing going to the toilet to avoid going at the busiest times
• Trying to ‘dissociate’ (for example, closing their eyes and imagining that they are sitting on their ‘safe’ toilet at home)

Can Paruresis be a Symptom of Something Else?

Paruresis is often felt to be a performance anxiety, and is often a symptom of social anxiety (or social phobia).  Someone suffering from paruresis will often experience some, or many, of the other symptoms of social phobia (for a list of these other symptoms, see the social phobia page).

(Sometimes, paruresis can be caused by a physical cause, so it’s always an idea to talk to your doctor).

How to overcome paruresis

The one thing we'd like to say right from the start, is don't worry, you CAN overcome paruresis when you know how.

What we've found over the years, is that there are a few simple techniques that you can use to overcome paruresis.

Sometimes, people who have paruresis can often feel quite out of control and negative about things, because it can sometimes feel like they're stuck with it, and there's nothing that can be done about it (which of course there is!).

So the first thing to understand if you're looking to get over your paruresis, is that that there IS something that can be done, and even that in itself can help you feel a bit more in control right from the start.

Sometimes, it might feel like people are judging you negatively because of your paruresis, and so overcoming paruresis can also have the added bonus of feeling less judged.

So, as we say, don't worry... we've found over the years, that there are a few simple techniques that you can use to overcome paruresis... you CAN overcome paruresis when you know how... it just might be that you need someone to show you how!

Next: What techniques can you use to overcome paruresis?

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