Shy Bladder (Paruresis)

Article by Paul Douglass

In this article, we'll look at what shy bladder (paruresis) is, and what you can do about it.

We'll cover...

• What is Shy Bladder?
• How Many People are Affected by Shy Bladder?
• What is Shy Bladder Also Known As?
• How Severe Can Shy Bladder Be?
• Does Shy Bladder Matter?
• What Causes Shy Bladder?
• When Can Shy Bladder Start?
• What Do People with Shy Bladder Do to Get Around It?
• Can Shy Bladder be a Symptom of Something Else?
• Can Hypnotherapy Help with Shy Bladder?
• Will I Feel Comfortable Asking for Help with Shy Bladder?
• What to Do Now

What is Shy Bladder?

Shy Bladder is a condition where the sufferer cannot urinate where there are, or where they think there are, other people who can hear or see them using the toilet..

Shy Bladder may manifest itself by the person not being able to start to urinate when they feel there are other people there, or the urination may involuntarily stop if someone else should enter the room.

Shy Bladder is an involuntary clenching of the muscles that cause the urine stream to stop.

Anyone can experience these kinds of things at some point in their life, but where shy bladder is concerned, the person will find that it happens so regularly that is can really affect their day-to-day life.

How Many People are Affected by Shy Bladder?

Although Shy Bladder can affect men and women, shy bladder can occur more often in men, simply because of the presence of urinals in male public toilets.

A man with shy bladder can sometimes feel embarrassed queuing for a cubicle in a toilet when there are clearly urinals available.

Shy Bladder can also cause embarrassment to a man who starts to urinate in an empty public toilet, only for the ‘flow’ to seemingly ‘cut itself off’ involuntarily when someone else comes into the room!

What is Shy Bladder Also Known As?

Shy Bladder is also known as...

• Paruresis
• Shy Bladder Syndrome
• Urophobia
• Pee Shyness
• Toilet Phobia
• Shy Cock
• Restroom Phobia
• Avoidant Shy Bladder
• Fear of the Restroom
• Psychological Urinary Retention
• Shy Kidneys
• Fear of Toilets
• Bashful Bladder

How Severe Can Shy Bladder Be?

In less severe cases, shy bladder may only affect the suffer in very occasional situations (for example a man using a urinal in an empty public toilet when 5 other men all come in at once and stand either side of him).

In more severe cases, as an example, a person with shy bladder will only be able to urinate at home, and so will have to spend a large part of their day planning around their shy bladder. 

They may be unable to work because of it, or they may go to a school or workplace that is close enough to home that they can go home to use the toilet.

Various levels of shy bladder can exist anywhere between the two extremes, and can vary from one situation to the next.

Does Shy Bladder Matter?

Shy Bladder matters if the person suffering from shy bladder feels that it is having a negative affect on their lives.

For example, someone may find it difficult to find a school or workplace that is close enough to home (or has private enough toilet facilities for them to be able to ‘go’ there) for them to be able to be there for several hours a day.

As well as the more obvious issues surrounding shy bladder, the shy bladder sufferer can also find it difficult to start imtimate relationships, because at some point they may have to tell the new partner about their shy bladder.

What Causes Shy Bladder?

Shy Bladder, where it has a psychological component, can be caused by many things, which typically might include:

• Performance Anxiety - to think something like “Will I be able to urinate if I go into that toilet?”
• Anticipation of Shy Bladder happening
• Underlying anxiety or stress
• Fear of being judged (also known as social anxiety or social phobia)
• Unresolved psychological conflicts
• Worrying about past experiences of shy bladder
• Having grown up in an environment where toilets and/or urination were seen as ‘dirty’, or where ‘toilet issues’ (or even sexuality) were actively suppressed or used to induce guilt

When Can Shy Bladder Start?

Shy Bladder can start at any time of life, and can last for any length of time, with some people having a one-off incident (for example, not being able to produce a urine sample ‘on-demand’ for a doctor), to some others suffering regularly from shy bladder most of the time.   

Often, people will find that their shy bladder comes and goes throughout their life, depending on the general levels of anxiety or stress in their lives, for example.

Many shy bladder sufferers will find that the shy bladder started during their teenage years.

What Do People with Shy Bladder Do to Get Around It?

People with shy bladder will often have a range of ‘coping mechanisms’ that they can draw upon to avoid the shy bladder.

These shy bladder ‘coping mechanisms’ can include:

• Avoiding going to the toilet when they know other people are about to go
• Having a ‘favorite’ cubicle
• Searching their school or workplace to find the toilets that are used the least
• Flushing the toilet, and quickly urinating while the flush covers the sound
• Timing going to the toilet to avoid going at the busiest times
• Trying to ‘dissociate’ (for example, closing their eyes and imagining that they are sitting on their ‘safe’ toilet at home)
• Drinking less during the day
• Urinating while someone is using the hand drier or running a tap (in order to mask the sound)

Can Shy Bladder be a Symptom of Something Else?

Shy Bladder is often a symptom of social anxiety (or social phobia). 

Someone suffering from shy bladder will often experience some, if not all, of the symptoms of social phobia (for a list of these other symptoms, see the social phobia page).

(Sometimes, shy bladder can be caused by a physical cause, so it’s always an idea to talk to your doctor).

How to overcome a shy bladder

The one thing we'd like to say right from the start, is don't worry, you CAN overcome a shy bladder when you know how.

What we've found over the years, is that there are a few simple techniques that you can use to overcome a shy bladder.

Sometimes, people who have a shy bladder can often feel quite out of control and negative about things, because it can sometimes feel like they're stuck with it, and there's nothing that can be done about it (which of course there is!).

So the first thing to understand if you're looking to get over your a shy bladder, is that that there IS something that can be done, and even that in itself can help you feel a bit more in control right from the start.

So, as we say, don't worry... we've found over the years, that there are a few simple techniques that you can use to overcome a shy bladder... you CAN overcome a shy bladder when you know how... it just might be that you need someone to show you how!

Next: Read our top 8 tips for overcoming a shy bladder

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